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Does loving someone mean knowing everything about them? Obviously some information is required. Ideally, their occupation, family names, birthdays, etc. But what will become of them? Do you need to know where your partner is at all times? Do you need to be able to know exactly when they will arrive somewhere and when they will leave?
Just a few years ago, tracking apps sounded like something out of a BBC dystopian drama, but now they’re pretty commonplace. A 2019 study found that 40% of parents and guardians in the UK routinely use GPS tracking for their children. For a friend, it can be an expression of affection and concern. Right now, I’m tracking 10 friends (and my mom) in the Find My app on my iPhone. But tracking your partner is a little different.
On the surface, it’s a good idea. From a practical point of view, you can see that they are going to be late for dinner. While traveling for work, you can check whether you arrived safely at your hotel, whether you arrived on time, and more. Simply put, if something happens to your loved one, you at least have the security of knowing where they are.
“My partner and I recently started sharing our location in Find My Friends, and I can definitely say we use it primarily for convenience,” says Millie*, 30 . Or just returned from a night out. I personally would like to know that he knows my location for security reasons. It’s also an easy way to time it if you’re planning on meeting somewhere. ”
This all makes sense. If you are using the app in this way, it may be completely harmless. It’s not just about mundane practical things, it also helps you build a strong and honest foundation in your relationships. “For us, it’s not about monitoring each other to see if we’re faithful,” says Grace, 30, who uses tracking apps with her husband first and foremost to be safe. “It’s also a sign of respect for each other. We know we’ll never cheat, but it just shows we have nothing to hide or question.”
There are other, more unexpected benefits as well. “We also use it to surprise each other,” Grace adds. “For example, if one of us is planning a surprise romantic dinner, we want to know how intimate the other will be so we can decide when to put food on the table or light a candle. You can know.”
In many cases, tracking apps simply provide peace of mind. “Living in Los Angeles, we are acutely aware of the potential for weather disasters, such as earthquakes and potential crime,” says Nicole, 40. “There’s a lot of traffic where we live, and sometimes I start to wonder if my husband is okay.” It took longer than usual, and he was on his way home from work. Finally, we decided to put on a tracker. That way I could track his drive home without worrying. ”
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“For us, it’s not about monitoring each other’s faithfulness,” says Grace, 30. (Getty/iStock)
In some cases, location tracking can save lives. Meg, 21, and James, 22, had been dating for a year when they decided to start tracking each other using Life360. Life360, based in San Francisco, is one of the most popular tracking apps worldwide, with approximately 70 million monthly uses. user. One night, Meg is woken up at 2am by a phone call from James, telling her that he has been in a car accident. “His cell phone was dying and he couldn’t tell me the exact location because there were no street lights or houses,” she said. “He was literally in the middle of nowhere.”
It was thanks to a tracking app that she was able to find him. “I found his car upside down in a ditch off the road,” she says. Without Life360, he would have been stuck in his car for hours.
So it’s not hard to see why tracking apps are becoming increasingly popular among couples. But depending on the health of your relationship, it’s equally important to understand how this consistent form of safety-informed monitoring can slip into something more harmful and cause paranoia. It’s easy to do. and distrust from partners.
This can cause suspicion and mistrust, especially if you turn off location or leave your device at home.
Georgina Starmer, Counselor
“The risk is that it can feel like our partner is trying to keep close tabs on us,” explains counselor Georgina Starmer. “This can create suspicion and distrust, especially if you turn off location or leave your device at home. Acting spontaneously or doing something your partner might object to. You may be worried that
Of course, location tracking can be much murkier than this. Being able to monitor your partner’s every move can, in a sense, normalize stalking tendencies. This is a technology that is easy to exploit and can cause problems where there were no problems before. It’s not hard to imagine how monitoring someone’s whereabouts for logistical reasons can become a dangerous obsession.
After all, it is not normal to always know where someone is, regardless of your relationship with them. (The need for tracking apps for safety reasons is a sad testament to the dangers of today.) But just as we can all succumb to harmless social media stalking; Perhaps as this technology becomes more mainstream, it will only become a problem. Time left until we normalize real-world 24/7 location monitoring.
It’s often an ethical gray area. As with hacking a person’s cell phone if you suspect cheating, that assumption may be correct, but it’s still an invasion of privacy and a line that probably shouldn’t be crossed. Tracking apps aren’t the only ones raising these questions.
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“Personally, for security reasons, I want to know that he knows where I am,” says Millie, 30, Pennsylvania.
Consider Strava, a popular exercise app that allows users to share photos and chat about various physical activities. It can also show you exactly where people are doing that activity. Earlier this year, a woman from Savannah, Georgia went viral on TikTok after claiming she discovered her military husband of four years was cheating on her thanks to Strava.
“When I looked up his run map in the Strava workout app, I saw that he passed by, stopped, and ended at an address where a girl in the military lived,” said Maggie, 29, New York.・Told the Post. “Their relationship has always given me a strange feeling, but they were placed together. Discovering these maps confirms my suspicions about their (romantic) relationship. It was a clue – and the rest is history.”
This is a difficult balance to strike, especially as tracking apps become more mainstream and the information they provide becomes more accurate. For example, with Life360, you can turn on alerts when someone leaves a certain address and receive a “Weekly Driver Report” that shows exactly when and where someone drove.
In a healthy relationship, this may not necessarily be a problem. However, in unhealthy situations, this level of surveillance can become a gateway to more problematic behaviors as it becomes normalized. “Tracking your movements can make you feel like you’re used to being tracked and being tracked,” Starmer says. “The next step might be to closely monitor each other’s spending patterns, for example, so that we might not become defensive or feel trapped or controlled in any way. There is.”
So to track or not to track? Ultimately, it depends on the nature of your relationship. For some couples, location tracking can be a lifeline, but for others, it’s the beginning of disaster. Whichever path you choose, it’s best to tread carefully. Especially since doing so could result in surveillance.
*Name has been changed
